<< Is criticism ever bringing wanted and good results? >>
 I can't recall the last time I wanted to be criticised nor the last time I 
heard anyone ask for criticism.  I believe that 'positive criticism' is 
terminology used by the criticisor (den som kritiserer) not the criticisee (mottakeren).  Criticism is 
tantamount (det samme som å) to saying "Do it the way I would do it." and is external-control 
psychology; not very 'positive'.  It does not, I believe, lead to positive 
change and it might result in taking the criticisor out of the critised's 
quality world (med det mener at han at vil skape avstand, og forandring vanskeliggjort); not what we would hope for in a helping relationship...  Al

Alternatives to criticism.  Create a situation where the person you're talking to has an opportunity to experience and/or explore (utforske) the results of their choices either directly or through questions.  The work that I do is primarily crisis intervention with teenagers. Power Struggling (maktkamp) doesn't work to promote effective change over the limited amount of time I work with the group.  Criticism is effectively saying "I think you should do it a certain way which is endorsed (akseptert, godtatt, bestemt) by me and when you make a choice consistent (i henhold til) with my views I'll endorse ( gå god for) your behavior"  My emphasis is on control of the classroom not the students.  It seems to be powerful and effective in the sense that the students create their beliefs and experiment with the consequences of those choices.

From: Kathryn Probst Kathryn_Probst@wacs2.wnyric.org
Tore,
I really wasn't thinking of it as a therapy situation.  I wish I was better at
applying what I know to my personal life. I agree with the previous individuals
e-mail that you have to think about "is the criticism getting you closer to what
you want and is it working?"
Criticizing whether positive or not doesn't necessarily get my children to do a
better job with house cleaning.  They usually respond that they never do
anything right so why bother. What I should do is talk to them about what a
clean house looks like and what we need to do so it looks like that.  The same
in a marriage etc.  What is it that we both need or want or that I need or want,
what can we do together or individually to get that?  It sounds wonderful but
I'm not always good at putting these things into practice. I don't see criticism
itself getting people what they may need or want. A positive relationship is key 
to getting what you need or want from anyone. If the relationship is strong
enough, criticism may work OK but I have never felt good myself after being
criticized.
 

Defininition
Criticize-to find fault with 
Criticism-the act of criticizing, especially unfavorably; also a critical
observation, judgement or review.
As per Webster's Collegiate Dictionary

> This is my understanding of criticism in reality therapy.  It really does not
> exist.  Self Evaluation and Feedback are the key. 
> To facilitate (hjelpe til ) Self Evaluation one asks:  (Self Evaluation er er uttrykk som brukes mye Choice Theory)
>     1. What do you want?
>     2.a. What did you do to get what you want?
>       b. Did it work?
>     3. In the future, is there anything you would do differently?
> To give Feedback one asks:
>     1. Would you like some feedback? (If the answer is no, then you don't give 
                                       it)
>     2.This is what I saw that brought you closer to getting what you want?
>     3. In the future, this is what I might do differently?
> 
> This list of questions was actually given out at an intensive week training I
> participated in. We also practiced asking these questions as well as the
> following series of questions relating to
       "What do you want?"
>     What's going on?
>     When this happens, how do you feel?
>     When you are feeling __________, what are you thinking?
>     When you're feeling___________, and thinking____________ what do you do? 

>     Is what you are doing getting you what you want?
>     What can you try that might get you closer to what you want?
> 
> As I see it, it's more a facilitation of a process rather than telling or
> criticizing. I keep these facilitation questions posted to help me ask the
right  questions whenever I come upon a student in need.
> 
> Don't know if this is helpful but it seemed like the answer to the criticism
> question.
> Kathy

JA TAKK, KATHY - DET VAR TIL STOR HJELP!   :-)
> Thanks - Kathy - it helped a lot..
>
_______________________________________________________________________________
> Subject: Re: [ROGHA] Criticism 
> From:    <ROGHA@egroups.com> at internet
> Date:    10/16/0  1:30 AM
> 
> There is an excellent video available for rent or purchase which talks about 
> criticism. As I remember it ...it said that there is no such thing as 
> constructive criticism as that is an oxymoron (selvmotsigelse).....Counselors must seek always 
> to provide the ABCDEF which means to Always be Courteous and Calm Determined 
> to work it out, Enthusiastic and Firm and Fair also to do the unexpected. My 
> understanding is to ask ...is criticism getting you closer to what you want 
> and is it working? Hope this helps and I can also recommend the book Reality 
> Therapy in the 21st century by Wubbolding which may be of help to you....
powerperson@cs.com <powerperson@cs.com>
> 

I personally shy away from the terms criticism...or...constructive
criticism...to me it connotes  (antyder)  too much negativity....I prefer to, when
appropriate (passende, riktig) or when invited by the other person to use 
the term feedback....but...this too can be very challenging...as an old prof use
to tell us...the crux (kjernen) to meaningful feedback...i.e. someone offering you their
thoughts, opinions or observations is a delicate matter and is one predicated (bestemt av, avhengig av)on
the other person Truly wanting feedback, sincerely wanting the opportunity to
grow.........I think Glasser's advice is exellent, when someone ask you for your
comments or some feedback, ask them if they really want it and then give what
information you may have in a positive, healthy and warm way. A very wise and
very experienced psychotherapist tells me in these situations, if there is a
concern, weakness or deficit  (mangel) he wants to talk to the person about he always
follows the 3 for 1 Rule...give three compliments or praise for things the
person does well and then share the issue...I have done this for a long time and
it does help people connect, lower  (legge ned) their defenses (forsvar) and facilitates (hjelper) the process of
each listening to the other...

just some feedback on my observations, 

Mike Thayer  :)
Michael Thayer <Michael_Thayer@wacs2.wnyric.org>
17.10.2000

With criticism we loose people which we desperately need for satisfaction of our
need. We push the other away from us. . People do
not know how to say something the other without criticism. When I teach
people the choice theory I teach them how to say the other that is different
from our, without the criticism. When I learned about criticism  8 years ago
, I said to my wife to read the text about criticism. You know
what happened? She felt the I criticised her. Than I started to learn what
critics is and how I can behave without criticism. After 8 years I can 
talk with my wife about criticism! This is because the criticism is 'deep in
our bones'.The self criticism is the most dangerous  criticism.
Any other help? Sorry because of my english.    (Tony is from Croatia)

My best 
Tony
antun.rehak@dina.hr>

Tore Lende asked an interesting question. I do belive Deming to be in
harmony with Glasser.

Criticism is telling someone that what they have said or done is wrong. The
implied assumption (underliggende antakelse) is that the person giving the criticism is right. For me
this is Win-Lose thinking. The problem I have with criticism is that the
critic assumes (forutsetter)  that their acquaintence with the facts of the whole situation
is complete and that their perception (oppfatning)  is objective. Neither of these can be
true.

Thus all criticism by what ever name is unhelpful because it will act to
move the two parties further apart in their relationship rather than, as
Glasser is urging, closer together.

Feedback, on the other hand, if the other party has indicated (antydet) that they are
willing to accept it, may provide valueable self-knowledge/understanding to
people. By feedback I mean a form such as "When you do [that] I feel [this]"
or "Did you realise that when you did [that]I see [this] happens". A form
which declares the subjectivity of the person providing the feedback and is
completely respectful to the person to whom the feedback may be offered.

The four "panes" of Johari Window can help people to understand that they
have blind spots, i.e. information not known to me that is known to others.
To paraphrase Deming's famous saying, Feedback comes from the outside and by
invitation only.

Alan C Clark
Key Business Improvement
Tel: ++44 (0)1527 61929
Mobile: 07831 508543

Alan C Clark <alan@keybiz.com>

"Kritikk opptrer som Visdom, men kritikk er stolthet i sin mest grunnleggende form.  Når vi kritisererer en annnen er erklærer vi at vi er bedre enn dem.........en som kjenner Guds sanne nåde vil aldri se etter anledninger å fornedre andre, men hvordan de kan bygge om den andre ved den sanne nåde de selv har fått"

Dr.Deming in his profound knowledge approach, advised us that we must
understand psychology of the people; which means we should understand the
feeling of other people regardles of their position in society.So let us
respect each other. We can disagree without being impolite.

Fra Tony  moel-ati@indo.net.id
The Deming network  - 7-12-2000

MANGE FLERE VIL SNART KOMME